My coat makes me smell like a homeless man

Getting ready for work last week, this realization hit me in the face with a stale breeze. Freshly showered and sweet-odored, I put on my coat and immediately stunk. I don't know what it is about coat closets, but they all have a similar smell, and none of them are good. The convergence of so much outerwear in one location must offend God. When washed, the common coat (or Jacketous Stencholis) will smell great for approximately two wearings, smell ok for three more wearings, then once again adopt the infamous coat closet reek. This problem has stymied scientists for centuries, as they have to deal with a similar problem: lab coat stink. Of course, most scientists don't really care how they smell, which is likely why the problem hasn't been solved.