This is my bio on drugs....any questions?

I was asked to write a bio at work, for our company's intranet. I thought I would share what I initially came up with.:

Starting about thirty years ago, my climb from obscurity to unabashed superstar unobtrusively began in the backwater berg of Ferndale, WA. While facing seemingly insurmountable hurdles, I nevertheless trudged through the tough times, giddily floated through the sunny times, and am now on the verge of greatness here at (my company). Dwelling in the crisp clear waters of Document Control, I have the distinct pleasure of interacting with a wide variety of engaging populace that share my place of employment. And, as I rise ever closer towards ultimate celebrity status, the path to which only Doc Control can provide, friends and associates will be swept up in the tide of grandeur that will propel us to the pinnacle of significance. Oh, and I also like donuts.

Needless to say, it was summarily rejected.